Several years ago,I took a book I had written, Doomed Grooms: Gay Men Married to Women, off the market due to a conflict with the past publisher. I am in the process of updating it and re-releasing it with my current publisher. In proofing it, I was impressed by many of the points I made about these Mis-marriages, or mistakes for a marriage when there is a straight wife and a gay husband.These lines really impressed me (isn't it great when you can impress yourself?)
I work with so many women whose marriages need to end, and yet they continue to stay in it year after year after year. When I think about all of the wasted time that women are spending in these marriages, it makes me very sad. These are years that lack affection, passion, compassion, and intimacy. These are years that drain away their sense of self-esteem and self-worth. These are years when these women are forced into celibacy exile because their husbands will not have sex with them. For many, it is years of stunted growth because without nurturing, people don’t grow to reach their potential. It’s like watering flowers so they can bloom. These are years filled with frustration, anger, self-blame, and tears. This is not the way life was meant to be.
The point I really like here is that being married to a gay man means you can never reach your potential. There is no nourishment in these marriages. This causes women to wilt just like flowers that sit in a vase without water.
Women live in psyche that isn't theirs. That's why always say it doesn't take two to tango in these relationships--just one--the gay one. I can assure you that how you have grown and progressed as a wife or partner in these relationships is not the way you would have grown if you had a husband who would have encouraged you daily, held you in his arms, cherished you with intimacy and affection, and told you how much he loved you every day.
When you live with a man who resents having you there, you only internalize the rejection and start losing who you are. Ah, I can't wait for the re-release of Doomed Grooms: Gay Men Married to Women.
