The Controversy on TLC Regarding Gay Mormons

There's a lot of hoopla over the upcoming TLC program about gay Mormon men marrying straight Mormon women while the wives claim, "My Husband's Not Gay!" People's reactions range from "Crazy" to "Outrageous." I look at it as future members of my Straight Wives Club. 

So I'm thinking to myself that we have created this mess by once again using labels. "Gay" is a hard word to embrace for men who grow up in the church. It is not acceptable. Look, Marie Osmond couldn't deal with the church when they learned her daughter was a lesbian. And that's Marie Osmond! How much worse would it be for an unknown?

So now the Mormon church feels that it can have a victory by convincing gay men that they aren't really gay if they get married and procreate. Hmmm....that seems a little strange since I have been married to a gay man and procreated. Yep, gay and married.

But since these gay men have such a hard time accepting that they are gay due to the large stigma put forth by the Mormon Church, I would like to share with them my concept from a few years ago of changing all the terminology that may make things easier for everyone. Titles seem to be so controversial--a sexual, bisexual, confused sexual, metrosexual, and homosexual. So I would like to share my column from three years ago in hopes it will take away the confusion. Maybe the Mormon wives could rethink their position with this.

The "P" WORD

As my long time readers know, "DENIAL" is a very powerful thing. That's why so many of our women linger in relationships long after they should—seeking the "TRUTH" while wasting years of their lives that can never be returned. I'm not quite sure why so many of the women who come to me have to have "POSITIVE" proof before taking action to end their marriages to gay men. I always give them my standard line of, "Look for the symptoms, and you'll eventually find the cause of what is bringing toxicity to your marriage," or "Look for the clues, and you'll eventually find the evidence." I try to relate it to medical and legal terminology to make it simple.

And yet, women want so badly to believe that the worst is not the worst, but rather some mistaken moment of stupidity….weakness….boredom….mid-life crisis….past sexual abuse issues resurfacing…and so on and so on. Here's the funny thing. These women come to me looking for the truth, but when I give it to them "straight," they don't want to hear it. It's like I need to be challenged at least once a week by some woman who will insist that her situation won't be like the other ones I write about. After all, her husband has always been so good…so honest…such a good friend…you know the story. These women are way beyond swimming down the river of De'Nile; they are building a Mountain of DENIAL. I send them directly to those other groups on the Internet who sit and complain while they figure out why life is so much better living with a "Bi" man than "No" man.

One woman sent me an interesting thought. After gathering information about her husband's homosexuality and confronting him, he replied, "I'm not gay—I'm straight with problems."  Wow—a new category. Now I could add that to the "A" sexual," "Bi-Sexual," "Metro-sexual," "Limbo," and "Straight-Gay Man" categories that are taking up a lot of my mental time explaining to women, but I've come up with my new terminology that will stop men from having to pick and choose which column of the menu they are on at any given year or what rung they are standing on of the Kinsey scale while they are scaling up and down between 1 and 6.

From now on, we can call these men "Penis Men."  It's so simple—it's not a choice of where a man is, but rather of what he wants. We don't have to use that ghastly "G" word anymore—we can use the trendier and more upscale "P" word. If a man is thinking about it, viewing male porno sites, fantasizing about it, or actually acting on it, he's a "P Man." It sounds more honest than "Bisexual" and  gives no false hope that he's going to want you, a woman, more one day than he does a man.

"P Men" sort of sound like that Elton John song "Rocket Man." We can even change the words to our cause:

And I think it's gonna be a long long time
Till touching down there brings me round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I'm a Penis Man
Penis man burning out his fuse out there alone….

Since Elton John is an open "P Man," maybe he won't mind too much if I adapted those lyrics for the future.

Bottom line for our women—if he's a "P Man," you know that means he's a "G" man. But we'll let him think he's just a "P"!