It's a New Year, and Happy or at least Happier New Year to all of my readers and supporters. A New Year always represents a time of hope, or at least it's supposed to represent that. For those of you who are still stuck in your marriages, I know that sometimes there feels as if there is no hope, but I also know if you're reading this newsletter, you are standing up for yourself on some level. Yes, I know some of you keep it a secret for fear of your controlling husband finding a way to control your computer activity--but at least you are at a point where you know you are sinking. At some point you'll say, "No More--I'm leaving this sinking ship," but in many cases that is easier to say than do. Why? Because every year you remain with you "unloving controlling gay husband" is another year that you are beaten down and feel like you can't get up. Unlike the elderly lady who has that medical bracelet that where she pushes a button to call for help, we have no rescue button. Your husband is making sure of that.
About 3/4 of all women who write to me tell me that they have no privacy--or even friends. Their gay husbands try to alienate them from their families by either moving away or making it so unpleasant that your family doesn't want to visit. They look for lots of reasons why your "loving family" is causing problems in your "unloving marriage." They tell you that the less you have to do with your family, the better off your marriage is. And we get so mentally broken down, we just give in. And when you keep giving in, you give up.
I wish I could invent that "call for help" rescue buttons for our straight wives. They could be pushed every time you start falling, and a little button would signal me so I could give you words of strength, wisdom, and most of all--HOPE!!! But sadly, I don't have the technical knowhow of how to do that. That's what keeps me writing these newsletters, so you'll have a connection to reality in your totally distorted world of his control. And hopefully one day, you will realize that your life is more important than his and work to save yourself.
For those of us who get out of our marriages, "freedom" doesn't seem exactly perfect either.
Some of our women have a strong sense of loss especially those who thought they were married to their soul mates. Others become single mothers who now have the burden of working and raising the children on their own--except when the Disney Dads decide to take the children once in a blue moon. Disney Dads love to show the kids what good parents they are--and what "fun" parents they are. They have so much fun for a weekend before the kids are returned to you for a slap of reality--like chores, school, and rules. Those of us who have lived this experience realize how difficult it is to have your children love or even listen to you after these weekends. After all, they have so much more fun with daddy.
Some of us have ex-husbands who are still so controlling that they want to make your life miserable. They will fight you for custody, and in some cases, they really don't care about it--they are just looking to show you that they are still "the boss." They take you to the emotional depths of hell even thought YOU were the one primarily raising your children while he wasn't even around very much.
Many women ask me why are so many of our gay husbands so controlling. It's simple--they have no control over their sexual needs. They are gay, but they don't want to be. So they believe if they can't control themselves, at least they can control the environment around them--which means you. They can scare you into not revealing their secret, because if you do, "You'll be sorry!!" It's a warning, and when you are beaten down on a daily basis, you just give in and believe it. So you go with his game plan because you don' t have the strength for your own plan--not at first anyway.
So many women who were "stuck in the muck" have twisted themselves free out of those handcuffs that chained you to the world of deception. You saw the light, and even though it didn't happen right away, I always say you have to be emotionally free before you can be physically free.
Bottom line? Don't give up on yourself--because I won't. I will fight for the freedom and sanity and not give up on you even if you give up on yourself. All you have to do is ask for support. I have the greatest women in my network many of whom are ready to give support to others who are struggling. All you have to do is.....ask! Write to me and ask!
As I said before, Happier New Year to us all! xoxo