Tuesday, May 21, 2013


For those of us who are a member of the "Straight Wives Club," you know how long healing can take. Some of the factors that come into play include: 1. length of time in marriage 2. age of the children 3. financial problems 4. telling friends and family who may not understand 5. rebuiling your self and sexual esteem after having it drained for so long 6. worriment about single motherhood 7. moving and starting over and the list goes on!

Gay Husband Recovery is a process that takes time. No one can judge her experiences by another. We all have to travel down the healing road at a pace that is comfortable for us. But you don't have to travel the road alone.

The best way to heal is to reach out for support to others who are traveling your recovery journey. Our next healing weekend in Philadelphia on September 28/29 will be filled with wonderful women--just like you--who are putting their lives back together. I would love to meet you, hug you, and start you on your way to better healing. Write to me at Bonkaye@aol.com for more information. YOU ARE NOT ALONE--ANYMORE!!!!

Friday, May 3, 2013


Today the Huffington Post did a live program today about "our issue"--the straight wife issue--because of Jason Collins and his girlfriend. They did ask me to appear on the show. I politely apologized after declining, and referred them to several others I thought would be interested.

So here's my issue. I don't want to be a guest on a show every time someone famous comes out and reveals a marriage/relationship with a woman involved who's been injured. I am tired of this being a "celebrity" issue when the media running to us every time someone famous is out or outted. Our cause and all we struggle with only becomes interesting for a "hot flash" when someone famous is involved. Then we have to listen to questions about how come we didn't know because there must have been some obvious signs we missed. It's not bad enough that our lives have been ruined in many cases. On top of that we have to feel that we are "stupid" for making a bad choice.

Once the news fades, we are once again in the shadows of society that has no interest in our point of view or what we have to go through. They never seem to view us with sympathy or compassion. I think it belittles us and all we stand for.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Do Straight Wives REALLY know when they marry?

It's a hot topic no matter how you look at it. A super sports star comes out as gay, and he's a hero. His unsuspecting past girlfriend of 8 years is totally stunned. Does anyone believe she didn't know?

Today I did a segment regarding this on Canada's biggest talk radio station. The host who is a great guy still wondered how Carolyn Moos didn't know. He asked me if women really don't know or ignore the signs.

For the millions of straight wives and girlfriends in America and for the millions more around the world, all I can say is, "WHY, WHY, WHY?" Why do people think for a moment that we are so desperate to have a man that we would just ignore those gay signs? People ask us this question all of the time. "Didn't you know? Couldn't you tell? Were you just turning away from the obvious?"

The answer of course is a resounding "NO" in almost every case. How would we know? We fall in love with someone who seems to love us, wants to marry us, have a family with us. Most of them are able to perform satisfactorily in bed--at least in the beginning when they want us. What makes this gay?

People don't understand that gay men who marry are masters of disguise. They practice the "straight act" every day of their lives. They look like a "straight man," talk like a "straight man," and say all the right things like a "straight man." They are wonderful actors. When you live a lie every single day of your life, it is easy to fool people. Heck, they even fool themselves.

Nothing personal, but I'm tired of straight wives taking responsibility for not knowing that they were walking into a relationship with a gay man. We are not "desperate straight wives," but rather loving and caring women who believe in the love our husbands promised us forever. Please stop wondering what we knew--because almost all of us knew NOTHING.